What is Autistic Masking?

Late-diagnosed and high-masking autistic adults often carry an invisible burden. Our ability to “pass” as neurotypical is seen as a strength in society, but it comes at a deep personal cost. Many of us don’t realize how much effort we exert to our mask until we begin to unravel and burn out. For some of us, realizing that we’ve been masking our true selves for our ENTIRE lives can be more shocking than our autism diagnosis itself. Our masks have been running for so long that we don’t know where they begin or end, blurring the lines between who we are and who we feel pressured to be. 

What is Masking

Masking is the act of concealing ourselves to fit into societal norms, expectations, and pressures. While everyone adapts their behaviors to some extent, for neurodivergent individuals, masking often means suppressing the very traits that define our Autistic and neurodivergent identities. Masking is extremely common, particularly among those of us, undiagnosed until later in life, and it can lead to significant negative impacts on our physical and mental well-being. 

My Journey With Masking

Before my diagnosis, I never even knew the term “masking.” It wasn’t on my radar. I experienced the world as a place where social interactions were exhausting and anxiety-inducing. I was adept at “playing the part” required by professional and societal expectations, blending in well enough that even close friends and family took time to adjust to my Autism diagnosis. 

I vividly remember the day I realized the dept of my “mask.” It felt like a full on identity crisis. If I take off the mask, what’s left? Who even am I? At nearly 40 years old, the thought of not knowing who I truly was felt both liberating and terrifying. This realization forced me to reckon with the years spent suppressing aspects of myself - an experience that, while painful, ultimately opened the door to authenticity and healing. 

After my initial panic subsided, it took my sometime to truly understand what autistic masking menat for me. 

Understanding Autistic Masking

At its core, autistic masking is the process of hiding parts of ourselves to conform to the expectations of the world around us. This might mean forcing eye contact or physical touch (like hugs or hand shakes) when they feel uncomfortable, mimicking the social behaviors of those around us, or even concealing our sensory needs. Often, this isn’t a deliberate choice. Growing up feeling different - without knowing why - can lead us to internalize messages that we’re “too much,” overly sensitive, or simply inappropriate. All these experiences layer upon each other, building a mask that becomes our default mode of survival.  

The Double-Edge Sword of The Mask

In many ways, our mask can make us feel safe in a world that isn’t designed for our neurodivergent wiring. It helps us blend in and get by. But over time, constantly suppressing our true selves drains our energy, leading to burnout, anxiety, and distress. The pressure to appear neurotypical and make others comfortable is not only exhausting -it can also leave us feeling disconnected from who we really are. 

Many late-diagnosed autistics have masked so long that it’s become automatic - a deeply ingrained survival strategy. After my diagnosis, I began reflecting on how I “showed up” in the world - trying to figure out what was me and what was the messages I picked up along the way. I was left wondering: What do I truly enjoy? What soothes me? How do I want to live my life? What are my real needs? So many questions flooded in, making the journey of unmasking daunting and transformative. Everything felt so new and foreign - yet I was still the same me I’d been my entire life. It was a lot to wrap my head around. 

A Personal and Varied Experience

It’s essential to recognize that autistic masking looks different for everyone. Our masking behaviors are shaped by a mix of intersecting identities, family influences, cultural contexts, and societal pressures. In many ways, masking is just as diverse as the neurodivergent community itself. 

Common Ways Autistic People Mask

• Hiding or suppressing stimming and other self-soothing behaviors

• Forcing eye contact or fixating on another part of the face to simulate engagement

• Mimicking others’ behaviors, including mannerisms, slang, or humor, to fit in

• Forcing smiles, nods, and other facial expressions even when they feel inauthentic

• Rehearsing, practicing, or scripting out conversations

• Adjusting vocal tone, pitch, or volume to meet social norms

• Holding back natural communication styles (like bluntness, directness, or honesty)

• Avoiding conversations about passions or special interests

• Pretending to care about socially accepted ideas, traditions, or values

• Withholding true opinions, emotions, and personal experiences

• Overthinking responses and analyzing every word before speaking

• Laughing at jokes that don’t truly resonate

• Concealing sensory discomfort

• Using socially acceptable excuses to avoid overwhelming or overstimulating environments

• Mentally scripting potential social interactions before attending gatherings

• Adopting a chameleon persona—changing personality traits depending on the setting

• Hiding feelings of anxiety, panic, and overstimulation

• Biting your tongue or inner cheek instead of expressing emotions or stimming

• Engaging in socially “appropriate” stimming, like twirling hair

• People-pleasing and being overly polite to avoid conflict

• Suppressing personal needs to make others comfortable

• Avoiding asking for help when needed

• Over-rehearsing scenarios beyond necessity

• Forcing physical affection, like hugs or touch, even when it feels uncomfortable

This list isn’t exhaustive, but it highlights many of the common ways autistic masking manifests in our daily lives.

Unmasking

After years of masking, many of us struggle with how, when, and where to unmask safely. Navigating which parts of ourselves are genuine versus those shaped by the need to fit in can be overwhelming and anxiety-provoking. Unfortunately, not everyone - friends, family, or colleagues- may be supportive, which only adds to the pressure to keep the mask on.

It’s important to remember that unmasking isn’t a linear process. Peeling back the layers is a gradual healing journey that requires patience, self-compassion, and a supportive network. While the process can be challenging, reclaiming your authentic self is essential to long-term well-being. If you’re on the unmasking journey, I highly recommend reading Unmasking Autism by Devon Price PhD.

To explore how online expressive arts, neurodivergent affirming therapy (Florida only), or coaching can help the unmasking process, reach out today to get scheduled for a free 15-minute consult call or initial intake session.